A Cultivated Propensity Toward Forgiveness

"As a Christian matures, he will just naturally forgive those around him all the time. It will become an unconscious and yet true attitude. Instead of focusing on what people owe him, he will remember how much he owes Christ who forgave him of such a great debt." ~Paul Bucknell

As Christians who stand before God, we owe each other love, forgiveness and compassion. I might also commend that a Christian maintain this same attitude toward non-believers, just to make dealing with ungodly persons more bearable and to aid in evangelism.

As a Christian expectation of other believers, we should expect nothing. We should not consider that anyone owes us anything. Each of us is accountable to God for our management of responsibilities, our reactions and our attitudes. We cannot assume control over the reactions and choices of others. Imagine the freedom from anxiety this perspective creates.

Harvesting this attitude will decrease one's ability to allow bitterness to take a foothold. When a bitter thought enters the mind, immediately attach forgiveness to it and let it slip out of focus. Then you will be free to serve the other person and afterwards rejoice that God has demonstrated such a wonderful work of forgiveness and contentment in you - that you have been made more like Christ.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender - hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31-32

Be Angry & Do Not Sin, part 2 of 2

The following is the second portion of notes given from Brian Dempsey, the teaching elder at Christ Reformed Church, Lawrenceville GA. This study has impacted me and I just wanted to share. :-)

What Makes Us Angry That Shouldn't

• Violation of rights
• Disappointment with station in life
• Blocked goals
• Irritations
• Feeling misunderstood
• Unrealistic expectations
• Pathological/Psychological

Responding to Anger

• Keep control. "A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back." Proverbs 29:11, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23
• Overlook offenses. "A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression." Proverbs 19:11
• Avoid angry men. "Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Or you will learn his ways And find a snare for yourself." Proverbs 22:24-25
• Appease anger. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

In what ways do we sinfully express anger?

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Proverbs 29:11

A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.

Proverbs 29:22

A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.

Proverbs 14:17

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

James 4:1-2

Bitterness, fits of anger, sullenness, harsh words, overreactions, striking out, argumentativeness, profanity, resentment, withdrawal of affection/presence, etc.

How do we keep from sinning when we are angry?

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

James 1:19-20

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19:11

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

Colossians 3:8

A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:1

Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

Proverbs 16:32

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

Proverbs 25:28

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

Ephesians 6:11

When anger is present, no matter if the cause is offense from personal, selfish motives or holy, righteous ones, the response/expression of anger should be righteous. Our anger should propel us to do something righteous that will glorify God. We must learn to act with wisdom, discretion and self-control.

Do not let the sun go down on your anger. It doesn't mean that the issue must be resolved before bedtime - but to check the status of your attitude so that you are not responding with a sinful attitude even if the dispute/discussion continues for some time. Your attitude before God must be one that pleases him.

Venting anger and frustration only exacerbates the habit and practice of responding sinfully in anger. These are the fits and outbursts of wrath that are deeds of the flesh listed in Galatians 5:19-21. Those who practice these things do not inherit eternal life. Christ came and died to sin that we would be free from the bondage of sin.

Be Angry & Do Not Sin, part 1

The following is a portion of notes given from Brian Dempsey, the teaching elder at Christ Reformed Church, Lawrenceville GA. This study has impacted me and I just wanted to share. :-)

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Ephesians 4:26-27

This verse is quoted verbatim from Psalm 4:4.

What makes you angry?

How often do you get angry?

With whom do you get angry?

How do you express your anger?

Where do you get angry?

Are there places where your anger is restrained?

Be Angry - it is a command. Some see it as a "when/if" but it's better to see it as a positive recognition that anger is a God-given emotion that is not, in and of itself, bad. It's okay to be angry. You will get angry and you should get angry at those same things that anger a holy God.

Anger is (not) in itself sinful, but . . . it may be the occasion for sin. The issue of self-control is the question of how we deal with anger. Violence, tantrums, bitterness, resentment, hostility, and even withdrawn silence are all sinful responses to anger. ~R.C. Sproul

And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.

Mark 3:5

Do Not Sin - Here is the qualification. Notice, the command is not, "Do not be angry." We are not commanded to destroy our anger, but to sanctify it.

Pride is one chief cause of undue anger. It is because men are proud, and exalt themselves in their own hearts, that they are revengeful, and are apt to be excited, and to make great things out of little ones that may be against themselves. Yea, they even treat as vices things that are in themselves virtues, when they think their honor is touched, or when their will is crossed. And it is pride that makes men so unreasonable and rash in their anger, and raises it to such a high degree, and continues it so long, and often keeps it up in the form of habitual malice . . . If men sought not chiefly their own private and selfish interests, but the glory of God and the common good, then their spirit would be a great deal more stirred up in God's cause then in their own; and they would not be prone to hasty, rash, inconsiderate, immoderate, and long-continued wrath, with any who might have injured or provoked them; but they would in a great measure forget themselves for God's sake, and from their zeal for the honor of Christ. The end they would aim at, would be, not making themselves great, or getting their own will, but the glory of God and the good of their fellow-beings. ~Jonathan Edwards, The Spirit of Love the Opposite of An Angry or Wrathful Spirit

Mommy-couragement

Last week Jeramy and I heard a sermon that really encouraged us from Mark 6:31-44. (The sermon is not yet uploaded on the website, but check back HERE to listen to this great message from God's Word.)

What I noticed in this passage is that Christ recognized their need for rest. Notice that they could not even eat in peace and they were constantly on the go. They were so physically and emotionally drained that they were crying out for rest and Christ recognized that. He even commanded that they go to the other side of the Sea of Galilee to rest. But instead of getting a much needed rest, they were met (or bombarded) with a great group of people. Instead of getting angry or bitter, it says that Christ had compassion on them!

When I need a break from the demands, whining and complaining of raising my children, finding compassion for them when my own physical needs are being neglected is difficult. (And I know that I'm not being pushed nearly as much as they probably were.) But the Holy Spirit encouraged me this afternoon with this passage from John chapter 14:

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.

Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."

Because Christ has regenerated my heart and allowed me to have faith in Him, I am able to have compassion in those really tired draining moments. And I will be able to do works "even greater than these"!

Oh Lord, give me grace so that I may obey Your word and glorify Your name.

Tedd Tripp on Discipline with Anger

Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Galatians 5:19-21

If you allow unholy anger to muddy the correction process, you are wrong. You need to ask for forgiveness. Your right to discipline your children is tied to what God has called you to do, not to your own agenda.

Unholy anger -- anger over the fact that you are not getting what you want from your child -- will muddy the waters of discipline. Anger that your child is not doing what you want frames discipline as a problem between parent and child, not as a problem between the child and God. It is God who is not being obeyed when you are disobeyed. It is God who is not being honored when you are not honored. The issue is not an interpersonal contest, it is rather your insistence that your child obey God, because obeying God is good and right.

We know that there is such a thing as righteous indignation, but righteous indignation responds to an affront to God rather than an affront to us. It is easy for a parent to say, "I am right and I am angry, therefore my anger is righteous anger." It may be that we are just angry because we are not getting what we want.

No Place for Anger

I have spoken to countless parents who genuinely thought their unholy anger had a legitimate place in correction and discipline. They reasoned that they could bring their children to a sober fear of disobeying if they showed anger. So discipline became the time when Mom or Dad manipulated their children through raw displays of anger. What the child learns is the fear of man, not the fear of God.

James 1 demonstrates the falsehood of the idea that parents should underscore correction with personal rage:

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

(James 1:19-20)

The Apostle James could not be more clear. The righteous life that God desires is never the product of uncontrolled anger. Unholy human anger may teach your children to fear you. They may even behave better, but it will not bring about biblical righteousness.

Any change in behavior that is produced by such anger is not going to move your children toward God. It moves them away from God. It moves them in the direction of the idolatry of fearing man. No wonder James add emphasis by saying, "Dear brothers, take note of this . . . "

If you correct and discipline your children because God mandates it, then you need not clutter up the task with your anger. Correction is not displaying your anger at their offenses; it is rather reminding them that their sinful behavior offends God. It is bringing his censure of sin to these subjects of his realm. He is the King. They must obey.

Tedd Tripp. Shepherding a Child's Heart. Second Edition. Wapwallopen: Shepherd Press. 2005. pg 29 and 34. ISBN 0-9663786-0-1

A Lesson in Self-Control

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,

And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.

Proverbs 16:32

Two Thoughts From Today

First, briefly, I am considering seriously buffering the "clean" entertainment I watch. We don't have cable TV; we hardly ever turn the TV on actually. But I love movies! The reason I'm even mildly considering forsaking all movies is because after watching them, I tend to become very discontent about my appearance, my circumstances, my life-choices, etc., just very self-centered in general. Some movies don't have this effect on me (like Lord of the Rings, for example), but others, many others do. For example: The Princess Diaries is a very cute, clean movie that morals the acceptance of our destined duties. However, after watching it my attitude is completely discontent: I want to be prettier; I want to be thinner; I want to be a princess. My desires have changed from being focused on my God-given, divinely ordered role in worshiping God, submitting to my husband and raising my children, to that of the world, which is the heart of idolatry.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2

The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.

You shall fear the Lord your God; and you shall worship Him and swear by His name. You shall not follow other gods, any of the gods of the peoples who surround you
Deuteronomy 6:13-14

Second, 1 Corithians 13 has convicted me for some time after reading the post on Pursuing Titus 2: Losing Patience, Losing Love. If I am deficient in any of these particulars that describe and define love, I am being unloving.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrigteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails . . .
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Sometimes it helps to write things in the opposite, negative way to help define what it is and what it is not. Love is not easily angered, love is not mean, love does not hoard it's own resources but is generous, etc. Today I have mostly considered "it does not take into account a wrong suffered". When someone mistreats me, accuses me, disrespects me, ignores me, etc. don't I remember that? Even when I want to forget, I can't. Sometimes intentionally or unintentionally I use that as a platform to harbor an unforgiving heart of bitterness toward that person, but not always.

But this was my other thought, what if the "wrong suffered" really caused hurt, not necessarily that which leads to bitterness and resentment - but you desire to forgive, but you are not able to "forget" because it just hurts? I guess the only response I can think of is to act loving, though the 'feeling' isn't there, simply out of obedience to the Word and perhaps the healing will follow through the course of time. Trust must always be built back and earned, if it was lost but I suppose the spirit of forgiveness must prevail.

Four Types of Women

Charles Swindoll preached a series of sermons from the book of Proverbs entitled: You and Your Daughter.  (Click the link and scroll down.)  They're in two parts with two sermons each for a total of four sermons (Jan 13-14 and 15-16).  Today I listened to Part One and thought I would share my notes, but I definitely recommend listening to these 20 minute talks.  

The Foolish Woman is thick, dull, and sluggish to the things of God.  She is bent on destruction (14:1) and is in constant commotion and turbulence.  (9:13-18)  She maintains a negative attitude; is deceptive and insensitive to sin (mocks at sin).  (14:8-9)  She is argumentative.  (20:3)  The foolish woman is the product of the flesh (22:15) and is a disappointment to her parents.  (17:21)

The Wise Woman knows the value of wisdom.  (31:10)  She has a submissive, servant's spirit; she spends her time building up someone besides herself.  (31:11)  She is constructive.  (14:1)  She knows the value of skillful hands.  (31:13)  She handles money wisely (31:14-16) and knows the blessedness of hard work.  (31:17-25)

The Contentious Woman is one given to strife.  She is easily angered, habitually argumentative and quarrelsome by nature.  (21:9, 19)  She is a nag and is constantly discontent.  (19:13)  She has a strong, stubborn will.  (27:15-16)  Contentious moms raise contentious daughters.  When God brings calamity to break the will of the contentious woman, it is so disastrous there is no healing - only God can deal with her.  (6:12-15)

The Gracious Woman shows favor, consideration and acceptance in her lips, appearance and in response to authority.  She is a woman of appreciation and affection.  (Proverbs 11:16)

The Contentious Woman

I have meditated and pondered what is the heart condition of contentious women (namely, myself primarily and others generally).  I considered that the sinful root of contention in women is the prideful desire for control.  I analyze my own sinful tendencies, particularly my thoughts, speech and anger.  What causes me to get angry, think sinful thoughts and lash out nagging comments?  The desire for control.  For example: I prefer to keep our home clean, neat and orderly - everything in it's place.  It aides in the ability for everyone to find what they need, when they need it.  When anyone or anything interferes - dirty dishes in the living room, clothes draped on the bed rails, crumbs on the kitchen counter, etc. - then immediately I have the tendency to get annoyed.  Perhaps I'll say something (nag) or not and keep all this bottled up inside.

The desire for control was part of the consequence of the Fall.  Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.  (Gen 3:16)  I always thought that this desire would look like idolatry, that the woman would desire the man.  But the real interpretation of this is that the woman would desire the man's position as head of the household.  She wants control.  How was it that Man fell into sin?  Satan went to the woman, not the man.  The woman first created to submit perfectly was now given the opportunity to lead in a way contrary to her divine role.

I recognize that the desire for me to be in control is sin.  Not only does it produce all kinds of anger and bitterness when circumstances do not happen my way, but I also struggle with anxiety over what I cannot control.  Nagging is the attempt to control other's actions by constant reminders, tone of voice, choice and timing of words.  Come to think of it, everyone hates to be nagged and when they are, they easily recognize it.  But when I nag, I don't recognize it so easy.

I have also realized, first in regards to childbearing, that the opposite of the controlling desire is the desire/ability to trust that God is in complete control.  And not only that He is omnipotent but completely and utterly trustworthy.  He upholds the universe, I think that He can take care of all the things I worry about and try to control that really aren't in my control.  I can't control whether or not I take my next breath.  I can't control whether my toddler throws food on the floor.  I can discipline her, but I can't make her stop doing it.

In the same vain I am responsible to be a good steward of the realm in which God commanded that we take dominion, but fully realizing that God is the owner, operator and complete controller of all things.  This balance is difficult to find and maintain, but I know that God's grace is sufficient for ALL things.  The strength will not come from me, it will come from Christ.  Believing is one thing, walking in this is another.  By God's grace alone . . . 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving  let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  

Philippians 4:6-8

Easily Angered

A great source of my contentions is a heart inclined to easily get angry.  Oftentimes, I get angry about the littlest things throughout the day and as the heat of my anger increases I begin to snap back irritated responses, nag and complain.  It is so easy to get angry when my heart is full of self-centeredness.  

"Be angry and yet, do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give the devil an opportunity."  Ephesians 4:26-27

The opportunities the devil takes with my anger begin with unforgiveness, selfishness, bitter thoughts, disrespect, self-centeredness, and all kinds of unwholesome thoughts and speech.  These are the fruits of my unrighteous anger; the sin that leads to death.  There is no peace in these things and there is definitely no joy from this contentious attitude.  Peace and joy come only from Christ, being completely satisfied in Him alone.  So, I repent and ask God to give me a gracious, grateful and forgiving heart.  I recall these verses at the end of Ephesians 4: 29-32 and remind myself of how much more God, in Christ, has forgiven me and I find freedom from contentious anger.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.  Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

John Piper's sermon, "Battling the Unbelief of Bitterness," is an excellent resource.  Here's the link to read the transcript, watch or listen.  Click here.