Misplaced Efforts of Manipulation

Coworkers, government officials, politicians, neighbors, husbands, children and even domestic animals . . .

There will always be someone or some behavior that we wish would change in the people around us. Our coworkers make crude sexual jokes in our presence. Our family members gossip about one another. Our neighbors allow their animals to parade around your yard. Our husbands won't fix or finish projects on our timetable. Our children are obstinate and rebellious. Our cat insists upon urinating on our couch. And these don't even begin to scratch the surface of things we would change if we could.

So we attempt to manipulate others by nagging, complaining, whining, giving the cold shoulder, expressing fear, maybe even throwing a temper tantrum. Some wives try to manipulate their husbands by withholding physical intimacy. Some husbands try to manipulate their wives by beating them. But in the end, all our efforts of manipulation are fruitless. Yes, we may win a battle or two here and there, but it will never change the person at whom it is directed.

Let's look at a common example of an unequally yoked marriage. In the case of a redeemed, believing wife and an unregenerate husband, there is nothing she can do to win the soul of her husband over to Christ. The Bible tells us that the woman, by her attitude and acts of service, her humility and chaste behavior, can be a means of grace by which the Lord might entice the heart of her husband to Christ. This is not a guarantee, but a general observation and very real possibility. If the woman tries to nag him, belittle him and otherwise tear him down by provoking him by her sinful actions, she is only perpetuating the problem. He will NEVER change. She will drive him further away from Christ and deeper into his idolatry and rebellion.

Her strategy is all wrong. She is acting out of selfishness and not out of love. She is more concerned about her reputation than she is about the soul of her husband and obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ. This is a very dangerous habit of sin. Not only will her actions reap judgment for herself, but also encourage the rebellion leading to eternal damnation for her husband! She is not representing Christ to her unsaved husband. The Bible tells us to "love our neighbors as ourselves." Your husband is your closest neighbor therefore, you are commanded to love him. And if you don't consider him your neighbor, but more like your enemy there is a verse for that too. "Love your enemies. Do good to them." Luke 6:27-36. Do enemies deserve love? No, they don't. But this is the commandment of God. Your faith in Christ is clearly seen by your ability to show love to unloveable people, just as Christ did. Love is not just a feeling of affection or sentimentality, but a willful, calculated decision to act on their behalf.

And consider the wife who has benefited from the love of God through Christ. "But God demonstrates his own love toward us in this, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 We didn't deserve the love of God and we certainly didn't deserve the atoning sacrifice of Christ on our behalf. We deserve hell, eternal condemnation, the wrath of God burning in unquenchable fire forever without relent. But Christ stepped in and took that for us in obedience to the Father! How amazing is His love and commitment toward His sheep! If, after receiving such a wonderful gift of grace, we are not urged to do the same, we are above all, hypocrites.

Love includes ceasing from perpetuating a sinful lifestyle. Let's say the husband weighs 800 pounds and is bedridden because of his obesity. The wife should not bring him the 10th helping of food as a means of submissive service to her husband! She's only making it worse! This is not an act of love. We are commanded to submit to our husbands out of reverence for Christ. This means that we submit to the man as long as what he asks is not disobeying the Lord. This works in lots of circumstances: when the husband tells his wife to bring him a drink of alcohol when he's already clearly drunk; when the husband tells his wife to hide the illegal drugs somewhere in the house and lie to the police; etc. Sometimes, the most loving thing a wife can do is to let the husband get into the trouble that he's caused himself. People do a lot of thinking when they're behind bars.

The Biblical response of the believing wife toward her unsaved husband in obedience to Christ is to remain with her husband, serve him and submit to him. She is not responsible for changing him, but she is responsible for her own actions and reactions. Unless SHE is willing to change her attitude and action toward him, she can NEVER hope that he will change either. This is the best way to "manipulate" those around us, by heaping burning coals on top of their heads. We do that through love, service and respect out of a motivation to please God through obedience. Manipulation is always out of a selfish, self-centered desire for our own pleasure. But if we resolve to serve our husbands and children out of a loving obedience to Christ, the impact will be more profound, more genuine, and more enduring. Choose this day whom you will serve: yourself or the Lord Jesus Christ.

Make-Up

Should a wife and mother wear make-up every day? Most would answer that it's up to the individual woman. Of course she has that freedom but is it practical?

The rigors of daily life can definitely wear on a made up face. Food gets splashed and thrown, perhaps she might perspire a bit, or rubs some off onto the children's clothes or her own.

About 50 years ago where Home Economics was still taught as a course in High School curriculum, the females were instructed to touch up their make-up and general appearance just before their husbands arrived home and greet him smiling at the door. The principle is to give the men someone pretty to look forward to upon entering their home.

After considering that I used to only wear make-up on Sundays for church, if I had time to do it, that I understood this homemaking premise. My husband leaves our home, when he would rather stay, to go to a job that consumes the best of his time and energy when he would rather work toward a self-sufficient homestead.

I am his wife. The woman of his choice. I am his favorite person. Shouldn't I give him something to look forward to when coming home? While he's at work, shouldn't he be thinking of me and not tempted by some other pretty young thing that walks by? Hanging on the wall in his office there are nice pictures of me and the children, all dolled up in dresses. Wouldn't it be discouraging, after seeing us at our best all day, to come home and find your mate all disheveled when you walk in the door from a long day at work? He went to work so that I don't have to leave the comfort and freedom of my home.

Besides the sacrifices made during the weekdays to provide for us, I consider that if someone important were to enter my home, I would be sure to look my best. Why not do the same for the only man who has ever called me his best friend? Even if I don't go out and my husband is home all day and we have no particular plans, why should he see me with a shaggy ponytail and sweat pants? Before getting married, would I have dressed that way knowing I would see him? No. So after being married, why should that change? I know that wearing make-up pleases him and it's my job, as his help mate, to do just that. Some days I wear less or more, but at least something that communicates that I care about my appearance for his sake. It's not a vain thing, it's a glory thing.

A 10-Year Project

This is Jeramy's gift to me for our 5th Wedding Anniversary. He designed the layout, even the script and flower design. He began this project about 10 years ago when he started looking for his future wife. He chose Proverbs 31 as the text for her character basis. He began this piece while dating one girl and when the relationship ended, he would cease from this project. Another prospective wife would enter the picture and work would resume. Likewise when that relationship ended, so did the work on this sewing project. And so on and so forth until after we married, he inserted my name. As our anniversary approached, he became determined to finish it. I asked him what his driving force behind this deadline was and he answered that in the 5 years we've been married, he has seen more of this passage to be true in my regard now than even before we married. (Sniff, sniff . . .) So then, it's finished and framed. Perhaps when we can afford to, we will have it professionally framed. But the sentiment is the most important for now.

Happy Anniversary, Honey!

Best Books & Doc of 2011

This past year I was able to read several books and the following were the best:

Books:
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp
This parenting book really delves into the motives and goals of parenting as it explains how all behavior is an overflow of the condition of the heart. In all of the parent's dealings with the child, the goal is to cause the child to see his or her inability to do a Christ as commanded, his need for forgiveness and atonement, and a changed heart that seeks to do God's will. Every disciplinary session is geared toward correcting the sinful behavior by targeting the heart. This book is highly recommended by David Powlison, John MacArthur, Elisabeth Elliot, and David Welch.

The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo
This parenting book is subtitled, "Practical Help for the Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children." It exposes all the ways that parents provoke their children to anger and gives practical applications as to training up the child in the way he should go. It doesn't only correct wrong behavior and motives in the child, but teaches them to think and do what is right. As I read it, I began to understand not only the ways I provoke my children to anger, but it's even greater source, how my parents provoked me to anger. This is an excellent resource that should be read several times during a parenting journey, in the same way as Shepherding a Child's Heart. I would say that it is a very necessary companion to Tedd Tripp's book.

Marriage to a Difficult Man: The Uncommon Union of Jonathan & Sarah Edwards by Elisabeth Dodds
This has been one of the best books on marriage Jeramy and I have ever read. It is not a how-to book for marriage dummies, but a real example of a couple seeking to live for Christ and how they make their marriage glorify Him in the midst of early 1700's difficulties and trials. During this time most families were very self-sufficient. The Edwards owned animals and sheared their own sheep, made their own fabric and thread to sew their own clothes. They chopped their own wood, built their own house, hand washed all their clothes, traveled by walking or horse, cooked daily, cultivated a garden, canned their own garden foods, and home-birthed 11 children of which none died before reaching adulthood. They also endured many pressures from being a family in the spot light of ministry in a small, rural town. Jeramy and I learned a lot from this couple's interaction with each other and their children and how they made all this work together towards an incredible legacy. It is endorsed highly by John & Noel Piper.

Documentary:
IndoctriNation: Public Schools and the Decline of Christianity in America by The Gunn Brothers Productions
This documentary came out last year but I didn't get to view it until recently. It is incredible. It seeks to answer several very important questions, but the two prominent ones are: what is the history and progression of the public, government school system? (In other words, what are they really teaching these kids?) And can Christians be salt & light in this environment? Colin Gunn drives his family of 9 across country in a retired yellow school bus answering these questions by as he interviews several Christian teachers, administrators, parents and students who have been in the government school system for years.
If you remember Voddie Baucham's DVD sermon lectures entitled, Children of Caesar, you will recall that he addresses the issues of origin and whether Christians can truly be salt & light in this government school context. Gunn is able to spend 100 minutes delving into these questions that leave the born-again Christian parent with no other alternative but to forsake the government schooling and take responsibility for their child's education. Here is a memorable quote by RC Sproul, Jr., "If we're sending evangelists into the mission field and they return as atheists, then we need to consider that something is terribly wrong." (Something to that effect.)

I highly commend these to you. I've written some content and fresh reviews on this blog previously, simply do a search and those entries will arrive at your fingertips.

Currently I'm reading Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl and The Underground History of American Education by John Taylor Gatto. Gatto's book is particularly enraging as I learn about the goals and purpose of the government school system and how much of my time and vitality it wasted. Debi Pearl's book has a good content, but is a little too gimmicky for my taste. Many women have read it and told me to take it with a grain of salt.

C/S Trip Day 5: Heading Back

Sunday morning we began our long drive back home. We left Colorado, then Kansas, then Missouri and after a long day, we settled in a hotel in Mt. Vernon, Illinois.

So, what did you do on the long drive?

We passed the time talking about almost everything. We spent a little time listening to music. It may have been more time, however our CD player is broken and batteries for a boom box are expensive. There was plenty of passenger doze off. Jeramy did some Hebrew/Greek flashcards. And while Jeramy drove, I would read aloud.

A few weeks ago Jeramy bought a book for me at my request, Marriage to a Difficult Man, by Elizabeth Dodds. This is somewhat of a double biography of Jonathan & Sarah Edwards in relation to normal married & family life. It is endorsed by many influential evangelical leaders of our day: John Piper, Doug Phillips, Don Whitney and R.C. Sproul just to name a few. This is an excellent marriage book because you can see how two sinners saved by grace covenanted together in marriage with 11 children made it work 300 years ago. This is a powerfully encouraging book because the reader sees their daily example. It's not just a typical marriage book that outlines 7 keys to marital bliss, but here you see their struggles, pressures, concerns, trials, triumphs and short comings. This is a very real couple. We were blessed to read and discuss almost half the book together on our trip. I highly recommend it for every married couple.

On The Road Again . . .

Tonight Jeramy and I safely returned home to joyfully reunite with our babies from a much needed honeymoon/vacation to Colorado Springs! Many pictures were taken and there are a good many stories to tell in these next couple of days as I begin to post the record of our happenings. Some of the highlights are reuniting visits with old friends; almost hiking for gas in No Where, Kansas; breath-taking views over vast distances; skirting tornadoes; and grace shown in a screw.

Stay tuned.

A School-Time Teaser

I was changing Shiphrah's diaper just now and as I reflected on two of my school friends (one from High School and the other from College) getting married over these past 6 months, I considered when and if they might have children of their own. Then a song came back to memory from elementary and middle school; perhaps you know it (I'll use our names as an example):

Meggan and Jeramy sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love, then comes marriage

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

(And so on.)

Then I considered that there was something wrong with this. Tree climbing is okay. But I noticed that the physical relationship begins before love and marriage! Kissing has become so commonplace even in this teasing children's rhyme. Do you kiss first, then decide to love and marry? If the kiss is bad, do you consider him or her unloveable?

It is good that love comes before marriage, but it grows even more after marriage. It is also God-glorifying that babies come after the marriage has begun. But there is a gap. Kissing is the beginning of the physical relationship, but the babies are the fruit of that physical relationship. Therefore the kissing should not really start until after the marriage. Maybe this song should be re-vamped for a courting context. :-)

Meggan and Jeramy (and their respective families)

meeting regular for fellowship

C-O-U-R-T-I-N-G

First comes love, then comes marriage

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

Nursing and crying, cooing and pooing,

Then whining and complaining, time for potty training.

Just a thought. :-)

Translation Please!

Do you need help communicating with your spouse? There's hope! :-)

Three For Three

Three pregnancies in three years of marriage since 3/3/2007.
Three deliveries for three baby girls.
Three children from three years to three months old.
Three heads of curly hair to comb.
Three kisses for three girls from Daddy before 3 p.m.
My third baby girl turned three months the third week of November.
And today Moriah (3 syllables) turns three years old! Happy Birthday!

Currently we are in Register/Statesboro visiting The Anderson's for Thanksgiving. Jeramy is on Stay-cation at home because he had to work. Pictures will follow some time after we get home tomorrow.

All Work & No Play Makes Moms Question Fertility

Since the birth of our third child under three years old, I've been debating what our next course of action would be concerning our fertility. This issue is such a sensitive one in our post-modern day after the rise of feminism and the birth control pill (and other reliable methods). Even in the Church the issue of fertility is treated as a private matter between each husband and wife and each couple is convinced of their individual position (which is necessary - I'm not here to point fingers or take sides). There is a delicate balance of obedience to "Be fruitful and multiply," and personal responsibility with a clean conscience.

When Jeramy and I were considering each other for marriage, he brought this issue to my attention and made his views known. At that time I reviewed the Biblical texts that discuss this, looked at all of the examples given to us in Scripture and decided to trust God that He opens and closes the womb as He sees fit and we would therefore not prevent conception.

Now that I have my work cut out for me, so to speak, I'm strongly reconsidering my previous decision. I want to continue to trust God with our fertility because I believe what God's Word says -- that He is good and He does good, and that He is trustworthy. The difficulty lies with the work and the stress involved in the discipline of my children. I'm an only child and I never had to deal with constantly fighting with a sibling for anything. Everything was either mine or my parents. There was no one else to blame when handprints in red paint ended up on the white walls. But with Moriah and Lily, both toddlers, it's almost like having twins. As soon as I discipline one for misbehaving, the other goes right behind and commits the same offense! They are always coveting the each other's toys and I am constantly acting as a referee. It's exhausting and it often makes me angry. I'm not the parent I envisioned when I was a single person and that makes me sad.

But when we take the time to go out and do something fun, I have a lot of joy watching them have fun! I could have stayed with them in the Creation Museum for hours watching them marvel at the different sights to see. Tonight both Grandmas and I took them to a Reformation Party at church and they had a wonderful time. Anytime I've taken them to the park and they slide down the slide and swing and watch ducks, etc. it's great! Really! But when we're at home, all day, the work beckons me to get it done and it must get done. Laundry piles up. Floors get gross. Tables must be cleaned. Bathrooms must be sanitized. Babies must be nursed. Food must be cooked. Errands must get ran. And it's the same thing every week. Sometimes it feels like adding one more thing is almost an imposition on any time there would be just to relax. Time for reading, blogging, sewing and any other hobbies is reduced and must be stolen away from sleep. Oh, if there was more time to do fun things as a family, then maybe this issue of fertility wouldn't be such a hard one.

Funny Friday: A Little Competition

Our Anniversary at The Biltmore House

For our third year wedding anniversary Jeramy and I enjoyed two days touring the Biltmore House in Asheville, North Carolina. The land is so beautiful, even in the dead of winter, and especially when it's covered in snow. We really had a wonderful time. If you ever have a chance to visit, you will enjoy the craftsmanship, quality, excellence, extravagance and the real humanity of the home and the Vanderbilts who lived there. What's it like to live in such a way that money is no object or barrier? Come see the Estate and you'll find out.

(Taking pictures inside the Home is prohibited.)

Sex in the Pulpit

How's that for a provocative title? Dr. Al Mohler summarizes and comments on a statement from the Religious Institute in a blog post and this is a great excerpt I wanted to include here:

But evangelicals should consider our own responsibility in teaching about human sexuality. Far too many evangelical pastors teach virtually nothing about a biblical understanding of human sexuality. This leaves much of the Bible unpreached and a congregation woefully untaught. It is not enough to believe the right things about what the Bible teaches concerning sex and sexuality. It is necessary to affirm the Bible's truthfulness and authority in every dimension it addresses, but this is not enough. Congregations are filled with people who need a word from the Lord on this matter that is so central to human identity and so ubiquitous in our culture.

Our pews are filled with people worried about their sexuality, wondering how to understand these things, struggling with same-sex attractions, tempted to stray from their marriages, enticed by internet pornography, and wondering how to bring their sexuality under submission to Christ.

The Religious Institute wants liberal preachers to talk more about sex. My guess is that they will. But what about evangelical pastors? Where is the teaching about God's gift of sexuality and the glory of God in marriage? Where is the teaching about the Bible's grace in telling us what is sin? Where is the acknowledgment of human brokenness? Where is the honesty about the struggle to bring all things under submission to Christ? Where is the preaching about how the Gospel lays claim on every dimension of our lives? Where is the teaching about how sex relates to sanctification and holiness?

Evangelical Christians will rightly reject just about everything found in this new report from the Religious Institute, but they should not avoid its urgency in calling pastors and Christian leaders to teach and preach about sex and sexuality. It is not enough to know the truth and believe the truth, we are called to preach and teach the whole counsel of God -- and that includes all that God has to say about sex.

Note that the declaration by the Religious Institute is toward liberal pastors to erase all lines of discrimination especially concerning the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender folks and heartily argues for their inclusion within the church rolls. But to what Mohler says here about more teaching from the pulpit regarding a Biblical perspective on human sexuality I say a hearty, "Amen!" It is important for people of all ages to hear what God says on this issue and more often that just once or twice a year. Discretion may and could be used for children under a certain age, but, as one report from Planned Parenthood has stated, extensive sexuality education should be mandatory for children beginning at age ten. Let's start there.

I will say that the elders at our church, CCMA, don't shy away from difficult issues or passages but present them faithfully and in it's proper context with a right application for our current congregation. It's important that, perhaps in the future, we should include sermons about human sexuality when similar issues of marriage, family, parenting, home education and abortion arise.

An Unexpected Compliment

Today I made chili. It's appropriate - Chili on a chilly day. :-) Jeramy took some to work and when he called me on his break he told me that it was better than his chili . . . which is his Mom's recipe!

Wow.

I never thought I would have heard that one. :-) "Your cooking is okay but not like Mother makes . . . " (Tim Hawkins) I knew this and I'm not offended by it like some women might be. I learned the majority of my cooking skills from my Mother-in-Law directly from her or secondarily through my husband who was taught by her. Besides that I grew up in suburban Northern VA and she is a country Southern GA cook. That doesn't mean the NoVa has inferior food (hey-MD crab cakes aren't too far away!), not at all, it's just a different style.

But this compliment was so memorable, I had to share it. Thanks, Honey.

This recipe for chili I got from my Mom, although I alter it a tad, it still has her marks all over it. I take a big can of diced tomatoes from Sam's Club and make a big pot. Browning 2 lbs. of 90/10 ground beef with diced onion, green pepper, celery, salt, black pepper, just a touch of Italian seasonings, and lots of cumin and chili powder (although I cut out the onion due to my 1st Tri-nausea). I can't tell you how much seasonings I used, I just throw them in there and taste as it's simmering. The kidney beans I bought dry and used the quick soak method the night before, then had them simmer/cooking while the meat was browning. After the meat browned, I added the big can of diced tomatoes and more chili powder, cumin, salt & pepper seasonings, brought it up to med-high temp then added the drained beans to continue cook/simmer for a total of 2 hours for the beans. The longer it simmers, the better the flavor. It's done when the beans and celery are tender. Sometimes I add ground red pepper if I'm in the mood for spicy chili. I always serve it with cornbread muffins, sour cream and shredded cheddar cheese. I like this chili a lot because it's a complete healthy and hearty meal - meat, vegetables, and dairy - and a big pot is not expensive to make, about $5, the dairy will cost more.

If you try it, I hope you'll like it.

Marital Resolutions

This picture is the Christmas before we married. Jeramy is much thinner in real life. I'm not, now. :-) The Short Version of how we came together:

Jeramy and I met on Sunday, February 19, 2006 in Louisville, Kentucky at a Sunday School Potluck. We began to court on Resurrection Sunday. I met his parents on Mother's Day weekend and he met my parents the following weekend when I graduated from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Jeramy went to Africa for three weeks, then came to Virginia to visit me. He proposed marriage, after receiving my parents' "blessing", on July 10 of the same year. We attended pre-marital counseling and married on March 3, 2007.

Since that time we have grown quite a bit and by God's grace we are still married. :-) Our relationship has deepened over the few years we've known each other. Here are some of the lessons I've learned:

• It's Biblical and right to be feminine.
• I was created to be his helper, not vice versa.
• Nagging tears down. Affirmation builds up.
• As a woman, I was created to become a mother, therefore I bear the full responsibility to nurture and care for our children, not a nanny and not the government.
• My joyful and content attitude creates a joyful and content home. This is more important than any decor I hang on the walls.
• I am responsible to maintain a clean and safe home environment as much as I'm able.
• I have resolved to always respond positively to my husband's need for intimacy and physical affection. (This works great for both of us. :-)
• It is better not to mention his shortcomings, but to always be grateful for the efforts willingly volunteered.
• Trust and allow him to bear the responsibilities of final decision-making, especially in the area of our finances.
• As much as it's possible, depend on God's grace to refrain from bitterness when I can't seize the same opportunities he can.
• Submit with joy and contentment when you don't agree.
• Live happily ever after.

Funny Friday: Roses or Bacon?

Dear husband leaves Darling wife and cute kids at home to go run an errand.

While Dear is out, he decides to do something romantic for his Darling.

He arrives at Sam's Club and faces a tough decision:

Roses? or Bacon?

Dear Hubby elects bacon.

But he doesn't stop there. He goes on to buy eggs (needed anyway) and Tropicana OJ (luxury item).

Dear Hubby returns home and prepares a lovely breakfast dinner of fluffy golden brown pancakes, perfectly scrambled eggs and crispy bacon for his Darling Wife and cute kids.

Wife is elated. :-)

Afterwards Hubby tells Wife about the debate earlier in the store.

"Which would you have preferred?" Hubby asks, desiring to know if he, indeed, made the right decision that would please his Darling Wife.

"Hmm . . ." she pauses, "That's a tough call."

Then after another moment responds, "Roses are pretty. But 10 POUNDS of BACON lasts longer and it's much tastier! Yeah, go with the bacon!" :-D

Which would you have chosen, ladies?

Submit With Joy

An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:10-12

The other day I was meditating on this passage and it struck me how crystal clear God's definition of "good" and "evil" are, like night and day, black and white, and sometimes my definitions don't line up so clearly with the words and intent of God's own heart.

Sometimes there are things I do that I might consider good but God considers evil and vice versa. I consider it good to clean up clothes lying hap-hazardly on the floor whereas my husband now cannot find his uniform for work.

The area where this struck me the hardest was in joyful submission to my husband's headship. I can submit, sure. It's easy to physically carry out my husband's wishes. But if I do so without joy then it is evil because my heart is not in it. It's like a white washed tomb, pretty on the outside and full of dead bones. Instead of joyfully submitting I might (knowingly or unknowingly) engage in a subtle form of manipulation and passive aggression, like angry silence for example. Sure I could throw pots and pans at him, but let's not resort to violence. :-) Nagging is a form of manipulation, persistently arguing for him to replace his priorities with mine. Sometimes my bitter objection is even just in my tone of voice or lack of gentleness.

And sometimes I think, "Yeah, I do submit, at least better than I did." (Read here.) Or, "I want to submit, but my husband just doesn't lead. He's not proactive." Or even, "I want to submit joyfully, but my husband gives me a lot of leeway, knowing that I am a strong-willed woman with strong opinions. If he asks me my opinion, he's more likely to do that and forfeit his own inclinations."

When it's time to make a decision, I ask him what his preferences are or what he understands is best and I attempt to joyfully concur. If I have any contributing ideas, I try to voice them humbly and with an attitude that conveys trust and a willingness to give up my own preferences, if I have them. And when he does decide something that is contrary to my better judgement, then I ask for grace to submit and not be bitter, leaving the consequences and responsibility of the decision to rest on his head. :-) The main conviction I received from the Holy Spirit regarding submission is this: to submit with any attitude other than a joyful one is evil in His sight.

I'm still working on this.

Married Without Children

Feminism, secular and evangelical, has deceived many men and women into claiming more egalitarian androgynous roles which God did not intend before the Fall. Voddie Baucham has said, "We [our Western culture] are not raising women. We are raising men who are biologically capable of bearing children."

The selfish and self-centered ideals of feminism have created a super-structure in which women determine, apart from a Biblical worldview, their own destinies. Our society, and even the Church, has rejected what has been clearly revealed in the Text.

Now I have seen, and experienced myself (while attending a secular university), a generation of women who desire marriage but have no desire for children and are even content not to bear a single one. But this is not just a mere contentment, it borders more along the lines of unwanted scorn. This idea is not new and should not surprise us. This is one of the off-shoots from the abortion Culture of Death - just don't bear any.

Scripture is very clear that the offices of wife and mother were never intended to be separated. The desire to get married is the same as the desire to have a family. When a man and woman are united together in the covenant relationship of marriage, they create a new family (Genesis 2:24) which includes children (Genesis 1:27-28). There is nothing wrong with having the desire to marry and it is certainly a gift of the Spirit to be content with singleness (1 Corinthians 7). There are many passages that talk about the blessing of children and family life.

Besides the undeniable reality of the union between marriage and family, having its roots in Creation, specifically Biblical Womanhood, dictates that the offices of wife and mother are connected in such a way that they were not intended to be separated (Genesis 1:28 & 3:20, Titus 2:3-5). Of course women marry without the possibility to bear children, but the nurturing qualities which are divine in origin have been communicated to us as God's image-bearers (Genesis 1:27). Within the institution of marriage, we all must be willing to "multiply" as God has commanded us through biological or adoptive means. It is imperative not an option.

All women, especially blood-bought, Christ-redeemed women, must embrace Biblical Womanhood. Passages from Genesis 1-3, 1 Peter 3, Titus 2, Ephesians 5 and the like guide us to joyfully accept the greater glory of the purpose for which God created both genders in His image and how we can reflect that best, as His people.

The emphasis is reclaiming and living in an attitude of pre-Fall existence waiting eagerly for the redemption of all things (Rom 8:19-23, Revelation 21).

If we do not accept our Biblical mandates for God-created, God-intended, Manhood and Womanhood, then the Gospel we preach through words and deeds is a false one.

Perpetual Praise

Psalm 71

My praise is continually of You. . .

My mouth is filled with Your praise

And with Your glory all day long. . .

But as for me, I will hope continually,

And will praise You yet more and more.

My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness

And of Your salvation all day long;

For I do not know the sum of them.

My lips will shout for joy when I sing praises to You;

And my soul, which You have redeemed.

My tongue also will utter Your righteousness all day long . . .

Verses 6, 8, 14-15, 23-24

The Holy Spirit has used this passage (and the book as a whole) to convict me that the same attitude of praise and worship expressed in the corporate setting should also be that which characterizes all private settings. In corporate worship it is easy to focus completely on Christ, His person and work, to be thankful and full of joy and wonder at His glory. When we leave the building and go about the tasks and struggles of our daily lives - cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, tending mess-making and disobedient toddlers, miscommunication with loved ones - it is so easy to forget the glory and splendor of the King of kings and to get frustrated and bogged down. The tasks in themselves are not inherently bad, but shifting our focus onto them is. The effects of the Fall still express themselves in all our relationships, but there is victory in Christ, who overwhelmingly conquers. The challenge is to depend fully upon the grace of God through prayer as I practice conducting myself in a perpetual state of praise and worship, full of joy and gratitude every moment of the day, every day through the week.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed

2 Corinthians 9:8

Be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 5:18b-20

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

A Gentle & Quiet Spirit

For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

1 Peter 2:21 - 3:6

Lately the Holy Spirit has been using this passage to convict me about the general attitude women should display as we go about our daily lives. The gentle and quiet spirit is more than just an outward behavior, this spirit arises out of authentic feminine, Christ-like character as evidence of a transformed heart.

These holy women from the past were not contentious. The gentle and quiet spirit doesn't nag and insist upon selfish methods or priorities. This woman is not bent on having her husband fulfill her personal agenda on her own time line. She doesn't turn a cold shoulder or make others feel uncomfortable in her presence by harboring an angry, bitter attitude. She doesn't seek to vindicate herself when wronged but instead forgives much and lets offenses committed against her pass to the righteous judgement of God. She is not fearful and she only values God's opinion of her.

This woman is full of joy and depends on the abundant grace of God, communicating such grace in her marital relationship. She is content with little or much and trusts fully in Christ, being satisfied by His fullness alone, and as she submits to her husband, trusts him also. She maintains an eternal perspective of her priorities and responsibilities. She is self-controlled and restrained. She understands her personal accountability before our Almighty Judge to conduct herself in this manner regardless of how she is treated, even if her husband is not a believer . . . especially if her husband is not a believer because that is her witness of the Gospel to him.

Nagging is the best way to communicate disrespect and emasculate our husbands. After a while they begin ignoring what we say letting all our words pass over their heads. Some men might respond with perpetual silence becoming emotionally and physically distant and others at the opposite extreme might even resort to physical abuse. Nagging is the primary way to tear down our houses with our own hands (Proverbs 14:1).

The chapter, Wives Like Sarah and the Husbands Who Honor Them, in Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood by Wayne Grudem exposits this text, which is an excellent read. My friend Erin at A Full Heart copied an awesome list of "A Woman's Rules to Live By".