Submit With Joy

An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:10-12

The other day I was meditating on this passage and it struck me how crystal clear God's definition of "good" and "evil" are, like night and day, black and white, and sometimes my definitions don't line up so clearly with the words and intent of God's own heart.

Sometimes there are things I do that I might consider good but God considers evil and vice versa. I consider it good to clean up clothes lying hap-hazardly on the floor whereas my husband now cannot find his uniform for work.

The area where this struck me the hardest was in joyful submission to my husband's headship. I can submit, sure. It's easy to physically carry out my husband's wishes. But if I do so without joy then it is evil because my heart is not in it. It's like a white washed tomb, pretty on the outside and full of dead bones. Instead of joyfully submitting I might (knowingly or unknowingly) engage in a subtle form of manipulation and passive aggression, like angry silence for example. Sure I could throw pots and pans at him, but let's not resort to violence. :-) Nagging is a form of manipulation, persistently arguing for him to replace his priorities with mine. Sometimes my bitter objection is even just in my tone of voice or lack of gentleness.

And sometimes I think, "Yeah, I do submit, at least better than I did." (Read here.) Or, "I want to submit, but my husband just doesn't lead. He's not proactive." Or even, "I want to submit joyfully, but my husband gives me a lot of leeway, knowing that I am a strong-willed woman with strong opinions. If he asks me my opinion, he's more likely to do that and forfeit his own inclinations."

When it's time to make a decision, I ask him what his preferences are or what he understands is best and I attempt to joyfully concur. If I have any contributing ideas, I try to voice them humbly and with an attitude that conveys trust and a willingness to give up my own preferences, if I have them. And when he does decide something that is contrary to my better judgement, then I ask for grace to submit and not be bitter, leaving the consequences and responsibility of the decision to rest on his head. :-) The main conviction I received from the Holy Spirit regarding submission is this: to submit with any attitude other than a joyful one is evil in His sight.

I'm still working on this.