February 11, 2010

Missing My Babies

This morning I woke up with an unexpected feeling of appreciation for my family. I almost didn't want to see them go while I was preparing their bags and things for Statesboro. "Would anyone call me crazy if I just called it off?" It was hard to say goodbye.

My babies have been gone just a little more than an hour and I already miss them. The first thing I noticed was the quiet. All I can hear is the ticking of our kitchen clock, the furnace turning on and occasionally the ice maker on our refrigerator. I ate an apple and Moriah wasn't begging for a bite. No battery-powered toys, happy squeals or whining.

Maybe Saturday won't come soon enough. . . .

Staying home is such a joy. There are so many blessings of being able to do so. I get to watch them play together, take care of each other. I love to watch Moriah give Lily things - toys, kisses, hugs, teach her things. I love to watch Lily walk around and open a book talking to it like she's reading from it. I love to hear them laugh and squeal as they play together, running around naked after their bath.

But there's so much work. Dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, cooking, cleaning, bathing, clothing, changing, errands, discipline, time-outs . . . relentless . . . every day . . . never-ending. It can be so tiring and frustrating and often more than I have patience for. When you wake up still tired from all the previous days tasks, mentally and physically, you just want to give up - throw your hands up in the air and quit. You feel unappreciated. There's so much that you do and you feel like none of it gets noticed. You give and give and give of yourself all day and when you try and take just a little bit of time for yourself, for some reason, you're made to feel guilty about it, like you're selfish. I am selfish. I admit it. I'm an only child, besides just being a sinful human being. And because of all of this, often my focus easily shifts away from what should be my top priorities:

1. That my hope lies in Christ.
Not in a clean house. Not in perfectly behaved children. Not a completely appreciative, affectionate, compassionate, manly, mind-reading husband. My joy, peace, and satisfaction come from Christ, not a clean kitchen or clean children.

2. God has called me to this task and He gives grace for me to complete it.
A day of physical rest will come, but for now God grace is sufficient for the calling to be a wife and mother. My purpose is to help, care for and enjoy them.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS." Matt 11:28-29

"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " 2 Cor 12:9

3. Follow the Psalmist.
Cry out to Christ for strength. Hope in His salvation. Seek His face. Relish in His righteousness. Worship His holiness. Marvel at His redemption. Wonder at His choice of unworthy me. Desire Him above all things. Let Christ be my Rock, Fortress and Refuge. Know that the yoke of bearing my own sin guilt is easy and light. Seek His grace when I am distressed. Don't give in to doubt and fear. Don't give up. And don't look anywhere else for sympathy and encouragement. There is no worldly wisdom available for workers of the Kingdom, Soldiers of Christ in Truth Arrayed.

1 comment:

The Culbertsons said...

Meggan - I can completely relate to your post and what a wonderful reminder to me of running to the cross when we feel overwhelmed by our task. I have heard it said on several occasions,"The days are longs, but the years are short." I try to remember that simple truth on the particularily hard days. I'm also quite frequently reminded that Christ served us, expecting and getting nothing in return, so why do I so often think I need praise and thanks for serving my family? It is so hard to fight against the flesh, but the Lord is so good and patient with us!

Hope you enjoyed your days of some much needed rest!